Have you ever walked away from a conversation feeling like you just spilled way too much? Maybe you told a coworker a deeply personal story or shared your entire life history with a stranger at a party. If so, you’re not alone. Oversharing is something many people experience, often without realizing why they do it.
What Is Oversharing?
Oversharing happens when we reveal personal details too quickly or too often, sometimes in situations where it may not be appropriate or reciprocated. It can range from talking about past traumas on a first date to unloading every detail of your stress at work onto a casual acquaintance. While being open and honest is valuable, oversharing can sometimes leave us feeling exposed, vulnerable, or even regretful afterward.
Why Do We Overshare?
There isn’t one single reason why people overshare, but it’s often connected to deeper emotional needs. Here are a few common causes:
Anxiety & Nervousness
When we feel anxious in social situations, filling the silence with personal stories can be a coping mechanism. Oversharing can be a way to ease tension, though it might make us feel more vulnerable later.
A Need for Connection
Humans crave connection, and sometimes we try to fast-track relationships by being overly open. If we fear rejection, we might share too much as a way to seek validation or test how someone responds to our experiences.
Unprocessed Trauma
If we haven’t fully processed past traumas, we might unconsciously bring them up in conversations without realizing how much we’re revealing. Talking about difficult experiences isn’t inherently bad, but doing so in an unstructured or impulsive way can sometimes lead to emotional distress.
Lack of Boundaries
Not having a clear sense of what is appropriate to share in different settings can lead to oversharing. This might stem from growing up in an environment where personal boundaries weren’t modeled or respected.
Impulse Control & ADHD
For some, particularly those with ADHD or other impulse-control challenges, oversharing can happen because thoughts are shared as soon as they appear, without a filter.
How to Find Balance in Sharing
If you recognize that you overshare, the goal isn’t to stop sharing altogether but to create healthier boundaries. Here are a few ways to find balance:
Pause Before You Speak: Before diving into a personal story, ask yourself, “Is this the right person, place, and time for this?”
Check for Reciprocity: Is the other person sharing at a similar level, or does the conversation feel one-sided?
Journal Your Thoughts: If you have a strong urge to share, try writing it down first to process your feelings privately.
Seek Professional Support: If oversharing stems from anxiety, trauma, or emotional distress, therapy can help you develop healthier communication patterns and coping strategies.
Get Support When You Need It
If you’re struggling with anxiety, trauma, or feeling disconnected, you don’t have to navigate it alone. Our compassionate therapy team is here to support you. Whether from the comfort of your home or in our offices in Torrance, Westlake Village, or Valencia, we’re here to help you build healthier relationships—with others and yourself. Reach out today and take the first step toward meaningful connection.